It’s been some time. I managed to get him out of my existence but not out of my mind, and now that we are in this frenetic holiday season filled with networking events and parties galore, well, I know that our paths will cross.
And yes, there he is, across the room holding court with other women that are, by now, probably giving him what he wants.
More introductions, more connections, more leads, more touches than I ever could.
I shudder at the thought of losing my position in his life. What am I saying losing, more likely I should be saying “lost.”
Regardless, I stroll over. I’m ready to make eye contact and remind him about what we once had when I was THE one giving and giving and he was comfortable just taking from me.
But here I am ready to do it all over again despite the fact that I promised myself that I would have more self-esteem and the strength to say no to his demands.
I walked the length of the room and stood quietly at his side as he chatted up the women in his midst. Laughing. Exchanging cards. Toasting to his successes.
He was stunningly handsome and knew it.
Our eyes met and he made a small signal indicating that he recognized my desire to reconnect.
I walked to the corridor and listened to the sounds of the holiday networking party going on behind the door. I didn’t wait for long and there he was.
A small smile played on his lips and his hand reached out to mine grasping it firmly and reading me with his touch. “How have you been, it’s been so long, why did you disappear?”
I know I acted impetuously. Back then it seemed so wrong to always be giving and never getting anything in return. So many introductions and business connections made, so much revenue earned. But what about me? What about my needs?
Maybe just being able to be near him, with him and be reflected in his prominence should be enough.
And so I jumped back in and asked how I could help him. Time had passed, I was in contact with even more people. Who did he want to know? How could I help him to grow his practice?
In return, well, I know that nothing will be forthcoming but I recognize my need and know that only he can fill it.
I bask in his glow, luxuriate tin his proximity and simply hope that someday sometime he will reciprocate with a referral for me.
For now this is good enough.